Packers Niners Reaction written in the tune of Comment-Board-Troll-Douchebaggery

by jackdw44

What is his internet handle? Provide suggestions in the comments section. I say it’s FearANDloathingINYOURMOM

The Packers lost. If you read my last post then you understand that I was probably psychologically prepared for this loss. I’m still sitting here, licking my paws (probably because I’m eating peanut butter out of the jar with my hands). I figured the best way to explain my reaction is to do it through the lens of the classic Internet troll.  So here goes.

  • JimmyHarBRAH says:

Clay Matthews is a talentless diva. He should be suspended at least 19 games for that stunt he pulled on Keap.

  • SharonRodgers says:

Kaepernick > Rodgers. for u fat wisconsiners, that means Kaepernick is greater than Rodgers.

  • Logical Jack says:

RE: JimmyHarBrah: OK, it was a late hit. But we have become so conditioned by the NFL to view any hit on the QB as illegal. This is crap. Don’t tell me you were upset because you were fearful for CK’s health, but rather you realized he was short of the first down and a late hit would reward San Francisco with a fresh set of downs. Additionally, can we stop talking about Clay Matthews as some sort of one-trick pony? His well-rounded skill set as a player was on full display on Sunday. He’s the only consistent threat Green Bay has on defense. (note the word consistent, I’m still very optimistic about what Perry and Neal can do this year on the front seven).

RE: SharonRodgers: Alright I’ll bite for the guy who loves Skip Bayless and Herm Edwards. So Kaepernick out-statistic’ed Aaron Rodgers. He threw for 400 yards. Let’s also throw (pun) in a few qualifiers. First, I understand that Michael Crabtree wasn’t playing. But Green Bay was also missing some key pieces in the secondary, notably Morgan Burnett. Being the veteran safety that he is, Burnett would have cleared up a few things that Jerron McMillan and M.D. Jennings missed. Free Safetys are vital to effective communication in the secondary. Also, unlike M.D. Jennings, Burnett wouldn’t have done one of the following two mistakes I saw: 1. He wouldn’t take the “Dad’s lost and says he taking the ‘scenic route’ to avoid the wife’s criticism” path to the football. And 2. He wouldn’t have then proceeded–after poor coverage–to miss just about every tackle imaginable. I don’t have game tape so I can’t verify how right or wrong I may be (and if I did, and I watched the game again for a personal blog in which I do for fun, well then we can probably agree that I am, as a person, somewhere between “People of Wal-Mart” and “guy who wears his letterman’s jacket well into his 20s”). Either way, I think some of the secondary issues–the ones that included Casey Hayward’s absence–will be fixed, but I digress. Colin Kaepernick showed me last year that he was a solid thrower. I didn’t doubt that. I think the Niners are the best team in the league right now, and I’ll be maintaining a keen eye on how well Kaepernick (I hate having to keep type his name because I have no idea if it’s Kaep or Keap, and I don’t want to look it up) performs. Rodgers played against a much tougher defense and played tremendously well. He is a model of consistency that is rivaled only by post-coffee bowel movements.

  • George Zimmer says:

I had to get a pair of pants and a tie dry cleaned at Martinizing dry cleaning and it was $18. That insane. Really? Two items. It’ll cost you good, I guarantee it!

  • FITZwalkerStan says:

The Packers looked awful. They aren’t going anywhere this year. This team sucks. It’s probably Scott Walker’s fault.

  • Logical Jack says:

RE: George Zimmer: I don’t know where this came from, but yeah I agree. Also, didn’t you just get fired from Men’s Wearhouse? I’m pretty sure parlaying your slogan into terrible jokes won’t help your employment. $18 is crazy, though. Is it like this everywhere else? Is there a better deal somewhere? Because If I were you, I would just never get it cleaned. So what if my coworkers think my tie smells like beer?

RE: FITZwalkerStan: I have to get this off my chest. The Packers are literally the only unifying element in the state of Wisconsin. Do you really have to insert ridiculously out-of-place political jabs into every post, which consequently creates a side discussion while simultaneously pissing off a large contingent of readers? Stop it. Now go home, get out of those skinny jeans, and wash your Che Guevara shirt. You’ll feel more relaxed.

WIth that said, I do want to respond to the first part, which was you and the other pessimists becoming completely reckless with your outlook on the season. Goosefraba. Goosefraba. Goooooooooooosefraba.  This game was very close to going Green Bay’s way.  The defense admittedly looked like a New Orleans levee circa 2005 in that last drive, but there was plenty of evidence that says this will be a good 2013 season. As I said above to SharonRodgers, Rodgers played great, and will play great in the future (as is tradition). David Bahktiari held up quite well against Aldon Smith, who as my astute roommate pointed out, looked more like anything other than a human (he also looks like Marlo’s muscle in The Wire). People shouldn’t be that big. Josh Sitton got called on a couple holding calls–some tacky, some legit–against Justin Smith, who is likely the best defensive tackle Sitton will play against all year. Eddie Lacy started off slow. (The Niners’ defense is about as stout as you can get against the run, he got going in his only TD drive of the game.) He did show the elusive-for-a-big-guy feet on the 30 yard screen-pass that I love. Defensively, they couldn’t have played better against the run. As I suspected before the season started, they’ve made enough improvement with the front seven, and it showed on Sunday. With Kaepernick, they are keenly aware of his elusiveness. I’m sure the rushing linebackers and defensive lineman were instructed to not get too crazy with their rushing lanes. Instead, the ideal goal was to collapse the pocket and contain him. The only problem was that we found out that Kaepernick can throw, which will need to be addressed if there’s another meeting in the future (I could very well see this being the NFC championship game). I’m optimistic. Not happy, but optimistic.

  • George Zimmer says:

RE: FITZWalkerStan: It’s Obama’s fault, I guarantee it!

  • FITZWalkerStan says:

Where did this come from? It’s clearly Scott Walker’s and his cronies in Madison making backdoor deals all while giving his friends lofty paying jobs.

  • George Zimmer says:

Maybe if Obama didn’t suck so much, Martinizing wouldn’t have to charge so much to dry clean clothes. I cannot afford this. I’m unemployed.

  • FITZWalkerStan says:

Welcome to Wisconsin where Scooter Walker just bleeds jobs because he’s the most evilest person on earth…

  • George Zimmer says:

pff whatever. All I want is a a nice gray beard and a dry cleaned pair of slacks at an affordable place. not in obamas america, which isnt evn ‘Merica nemore

  • FITZWalkerStan says:

ur just a racist, xenophobic, homophobic, kool-aid drinker!

  • George Zimmer says:

U always kno when u win an argument with democRATS bc they call you racist. I WIN!

  • Logical Jack says:

Why the hell are we talking about this on a Packers post? You both need to not exist. Especially because you both probably live like this:

Online Battlefield

To summarize, I like this team this year. I still hold on to my original 11-5 – 13-3 prediction. Washington will be scary, and so will Cincinnati, but the Packers have shown they can go to toe-to-toe with a team much better than each of the two. Let’s hope I am right, and let’s hope you realize how much of a loser I am for creating a conversation with myself using horribly made-up Internet aliases.